The Reminiscence of Such

erm.. todae.. was de first day of sch..quite okay..
my first dae turned out aite..
when suddenly kamiyah think i write" MUS LOVE KAMIYAH"
but i didnt.. den she don blieve me..
so i told her that if she don wan to believe me.. which she shud.. cos she suppose to trust me.. cos.. we besties.. but she donwan. so deres nth i can do..
well.. dats one part of de story..

The oTher part is.. i was very relax oredi abt de band comm thngy
den suddenly dis afternoon..its like i can hear my head saying " why they didnt choose me??am i too weak..too ego?? why did i alwaes keep thinkin of miracles" .
den i was nvr relax again.. den hatred and sorrows strts to fill up my heart..
den everythg went out off control.. i couldnt think of de positives.. i really needed help..

den dere was dis one moment.. i keep on looking down on myself..
its strange.. but i felt like its true.. but i donwan to..im losing all of my confidence..
den.. i kept think about de situation on how ego i was....its too hard for me to fight it
and now.. all i can feel.. is sorrows..like dere was no more gd times in my life..
but its strange to to find myself watching frm de outside..but frm where im standing
all i want to be was there..den i ask myself..
" why did i make myself believe tht miracles cn happen??and when dere isnt any.. i had to pretend dat i don care " ...
i jus couldnt fight back de feelings.. den.. strangely.. i can hear my heart beating very loud and i cried..well.. its nt my nature to cry.. but i felt so hurt badly..and i cn feel it in my heart.. and its damn sore for me..
but den my Close frens JANEL &FAUZI who alwaes gave me de heart to carry on.. helped me to fight back dis feelings back then.. and i did.. untill todae.. i gt out off control.. and i couldnt fite back.. now i onlie left my self with some questions...
ami i suppose to fite back??? wad am i goin to do???wad ppl see in me dat dey think i could be strng an move one???
for band members who read dis post.. pls ans dis qns
" WAD DO U SEE IN ME DAT MAKES U THINK DAT IM STRONG ENUFF TO CONTINUE MY JOURNEY "

PLS ANS DIS SINCERELY..I REALLY NEED TO REALIZE MYSELF.. THX U

MUSFITRI

signin off