The Reminiscence of Such

erm.. todae.. was de first day of sch..quite okay..
my first dae turned out aite..
when suddenly kamiyah think i write" MUS LOVE KAMIYAH"
but i didnt.. den she don blieve me..
so i told her that if she don wan to believe me.. which she shud.. cos she suppose to trust me.. cos.. we besties.. but she donwan. so deres nth i can do..
well.. dats one part of de story..

The oTher part is.. i was very relax oredi abt de band comm thngy
den suddenly dis afternoon..its like i can hear my head saying " why they didnt choose me??am i too weak..too ego?? why did i alwaes keep thinkin of miracles" .
den i was nvr relax again.. den hatred and sorrows strts to fill up my heart..
den everythg went out off control.. i couldnt think of de positives.. i really needed help..

den dere was dis one moment.. i keep on looking down on myself..
its strange.. but i felt like its true.. but i donwan to..im losing all of my confidence..
den.. i kept think about de situation on how ego i was....its too hard for me to fight it
and now.. all i can feel.. is sorrows..like dere was no more gd times in my life..
but its strange to to find myself watching frm de outside..but frm where im standing
all i want to be was there..den i ask myself..
" why did i make myself believe tht miracles cn happen??and when dere isnt any.. i had to pretend dat i don care " ...
i jus couldnt fight back de feelings.. den.. strangely.. i can hear my heart beating very loud and i cried..well.. its nt my nature to cry.. but i felt so hurt badly..and i cn feel it in my heart.. and its damn sore for me..
but den my Close frens JANEL &FAUZI who alwaes gave me de heart to carry on.. helped me to fight back dis feelings back then.. and i did.. untill todae.. i gt out off control.. and i couldnt fite back.. now i onlie left my self with some questions...
ami i suppose to fite back??? wad am i goin to do???wad ppl see in me dat dey think i could be strng an move one???
for band members who read dis post.. pls ans dis qns
" WAD DO U SEE IN ME DAT MAKES U THINK DAT IM STRONG ENUFF TO CONTINUE MY JOURNEY "

PLS ANS DIS SINCERELY..I REALLY NEED TO REALIZE MYSELF.. THX U

MUSFITRI

signin off

ermm.. where to strt...
ouh.. ok..
dere was band todae.. ermm very sianz.. me not even in comm' members..
very disappointing actually.. donnoe why la... but it really hurts me a l0t..
im happy f0r my frens who bcame comm' members..
mostly everyone was cheerful and happy todae.. except for me of cos..
as i've said i was dissappointed.. lol.... but truely..
its very dissappointng for me.. firstly.. i commited alot for band.. for de past 2 yrs..
came for band every week.... mastering my trombone skills...
except for dis yr.. my attendance kinda rusty.. but not dat bad...
secondly.. i feel dat its unfair.. i've done alot.. trying to help de band
but in return.. i onli got a post.. dats is sect. leader.. which is hopeless..
very useless..i didnt thought of it as useless last time.. bcos.. i noe i can still get a higer post..
but den my hopes were gone jus like dat...i feel dat dere's nth left for me to do...
de reason i said dat was.. bcos i worked hard to get a higher post..and i noe dat i still got much todo..but now.. since everythg done.. and i don get any post.. i gt nothg else todo..MIGHT AS WELL JUS QUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but last time i used to have interest in both BAND &MUSIC
but now.. i onli have one.. which is MUSIC...i LOVe band so much.. but now.. everythg chg..
but im totally in a difficult situation.. in donnoe wad to choose... to either quit.. or jus follow thru..or to jus lose faith...or trust my heart so it will somehow lead me thru de door..
i shud have followed mi instincts.. don obess with my sch band alot.. like.. be in de camp comm.. stayback plan.. and wadeva FUCKING SHIT...shud have nvr done dat
at least i don feel hurt much...
well..last yr b4 SYF..i sacked myself frm counsellor.. i don attend counsellor meetings.. camps wadever SHIt.. jus bcos to come for band.. i lose alot.. but i gain nth
DO DEY NOE ALL DIS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i regreted everythg i giv up for and worked for..(U ALL DON BELIEVE ASK DAWN).. i really wish dat all dis was a bad dream.. i don like...
LETS JUS SAY.. I REALLY LOST MY INTEREST IN BAND.....
i will come for pracs.. but i wont be as enthusiastic as i were b4..don wan to gothru de process again..

NO OFFENCE TO PPL READIN DIS POST.. I JUS WANNA LET U GUYS NOE WHY I WAS SO QUIET JS NOW..

mus a.k.a hates Band likes music
signin off